...if only in my dreams

Charlie and I have missed a few Christmasses in Canada. This year will be the fourth Christmas we'll have spent in Cambodia (2008, 2012 & 2013); but also, because we're from different corners of Canada, we've also sometimes had to miss holidays with one of our families.

Our first Cambodian Christmas in 2008, when we dirt biked up to Ratanakiri

Christmas 2012, which was also Sam's first Christmas

Christmas 2013, when my sister Christa and her then-boyfriend/now-husband
spent the holidays with us!

Last year, Christmas in Montreal was very near perfect. My sister had just gotten married, we were over the jetlag, I was huge but not yet overdue (Christmas 2011 with Sam at 40 weeks + 5 days was another story!) and my parents pulled out all the stops to give us a holiday season we had dreamed of for years. In some ways, I'm carrying the high of last year with me into this coming December.

Last Christmas in Montreal, near perfection!

 Every year we are away for Christmas, Charlie and I always have a moment. We listen to Sarah McLachlan's "I'll be Home for Christmas," catch each other's eye, and share a few tears. It's almost become comical, because it always happens the same way. This year, our moment happened on November 1, when Charlie surprised me by putting on my beloved Christmas music weeks earlier than he normally allows. It's a beautiful version, have a listen!

I am really looking forward to Christmas in Cambodia this year. It's Ella's first Christmas, so that will be special. A number of our friends are staying in town this year, so we'll spend lots of time with them. I am singing in our church's Christmas choir, we'll do a Christmas Eve sleepover with our home group, we plan to go skating at the mall, turkey will be eaten on at least one occasion. We've been here for long enough that we feel we have our own Christmas traditions in Cambodia. We even brought a Christmas tree home with us from Canada (thank you, IKEA!)

But that song. That song reminds me that no matter who lovely Christmas is here, what I love most about this season is family. So I will cling to my beautiful little family here and grieve over missing out of the larger family back "home."

Yes, I walked there once.

In 2006, I spent my last undergraduate summer in Rwanda on my first overseas internship. It was a difficult and amazing experience in many ways and some memories have stuck more than others. 

On one occasion, my friend and I had the amazing opportunity to cross the border into Eastern DRC and fly in a little bush plane to a small town inland. It was exhilarating! And perhaps a tad ill-advised, in hindsight - we met the pilots the evening before at dinner and the town we flew to we found out later was controlled by a warlord-type. Oops.

The flight was awesome. We flew for about 30 minutes, over nothing but dense jungle; it looked like tightly packed broccoli heads. We even each got the chance to "fly" for a couple minutes. And all of a sudden we were descending and a longish dirt path appeared onto which we landed. We didn't stay long, just walked around a bit while the plane was unloaded, and off we went again. What an adventure!

A short while later, I was sitting in the office of the small faith-based organisation with which I was interning. A pastor was visiting from his town and we were chatting casually. I ended up telling him about our little DRC jaunt and how beautiful the flight was and the village we ended up in, which was called Wali Kali. 

And then he said, "Ah yes! Wali Kali. I walked there once."

In 1994, when his country was being torn apart from the inside out, he gathered up a few provisions, and he and his wife and their small children had gotten out of Rwanda and walked through that broccoli head jungle. With the poisonous snakes and dangerous animals and even more dangerous rebel groups and armies.

I think that was the first time in my life I started to understand what it means to be a refugee. The lengths someone will go to and the risk they will undertake if it means they might save their children. The resilience and strength, physically, psychologically, and spiritually, it must take to make that long and uncertain journey. The desperation of needing to get out and the faith that you can find something better, something safer.

That pastor humbled me. I will probably never have the firsthand experience of having to place my child on a boat into the unknown. I am humbled by privilege. So I pray. And I try to act. 

If you're interested in getting involved in refugee support, here are some links (Canada-specific):

• Overview of International agencies you can support who are involved in the Syrian refugee crisis: http://www.cbc.ca/news/trending/how-to-help-syrian-refugees-1.3215006
• Learn how you can sponsor a refugee: http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/refugees/crisis/syria-iraq/sponsor.asp#blended
• Learn about how you can become involved in Collective Sponsorship of refugees in Quebec: http://www.immigration-quebec.gouv.qc.ca/en/immigrate-settle/refugees-other/collective-sponsorship/index.html

Expats Suffer From G.O.M.O.

One of my best friends here just gave birth, and it was a huge surprise. She was supposed to leave this past weekend for Bangkok, where she would hang out for a few weeks, waiting for the wee one to make his entrance at a Thai hospital. Well, wee one decided that 36 weeks was enough baking, thank you very much, and rushed into the world early one morning last week at a hospital here in Phnom Penh.

It has been an immense privilege to be close to our friends through this. I've mentioned before how friends become family in the expat community, so we truly feel like we are welcoming this new baby into the family! 

I think part of why I am so excited to be around for this is that we are missing so many things, big and small, that are happening with friends and family in other parts of the world. Instead of suffering from F.O.M.O. (which I also do, in general, to some extent!) I think many expats suffer from the Grief of Missing Out. We know we're missing things - births, parties, holidays, even deaths sometimes - and even though I would say we've made our peace about what it means to live overseas, we're still sad to miss out.

Missing all the people.

I'm in a What's App group with some of my Montreal friends, which they mostly use to make weekend and evening plans with each other. I haven't gotten around to leaving the text group since we came back from home leave, and I don't think I want to. I've made my peace about not being able to go to the pub after work or go hiking in the Laurentians this weekend, but I also like being a "fly on the wall" of their plan making. It helps with my grieving over these small missed events.

I have a few girlfriends in Montreal who are due in the next months, and it kills me a bit that I won't meet their babies for quite a while, that I won't be able to bring them frozen dinners, that I won't be able to drop by and hold the fort for a few minutes so they can, I don't know, go to the bathroom or something. I'm not afraid of missing out, I know I am, and I'm not sure it gets easier.

Do you suffer from G.O.M.O.? How do you handle it? 

5 Reasons We Do What We Do

This year we got 2 Thanksgiving dinners! One with dear friends, cozy chats, and amazing food, another at a good friend's restaurant, where we met new people, had equally amazing food, and almost got blown away by a tropical storm! Take a look at our stormy meal here!

Thanksgiving makes me reflect on the providence and blessing that has been our calling here in Cambodia, and recently got me thinking about all the many reasons we "ended up" here, doing what we do.

Sometimes when our parents tell people who don't already know us what we do, a common follow-up question is, "Do you fear for their safety?" And the answer is (mostly), "No, not really." And it's not because our parents are cavalier about our safety (there's a reason I don't show my Mom pictures of our whole family on a motorbike), but it's because the type of work we do in anti-trafficking is not really of the "unsafe" variety.

We're not directly doing investigations, rescue operations, or survivor aftercare. Charlie works in human resources, volunteer management, and organisational development, while I do a lot of research, strategic planning, and program support and development. 

We could be doing something else, somewhere else (yes, we are hoping our skills are transferable!) Why this? Why here? Why now? So here are 5 of the reasons we have chosen to do these things in anti-trafficking, in Cambodia.

One of the many gorgeous views from our apartment in Phnom Penh

1. We're not social workers, police officers, or counsellors

• In order to do direct work with survivors of trafficking, one usually needs a background in one of these or related areas. But there is a need for so many types of skills in the anti-trafficking movement. A movement needs all kinds of people to make change. So we have found a way to use our own skills to join the movement against exploitation, slavery, and abuse.

2. We are skilled, and are committed to using those skills to participate in change-making

• Through a long road of education, internships, mentoring, reading, and other work experience, we came to Cambodia and found we could apply skills learned elsewhere to contribute to the anti-trafficking mission. We love being part of something big, and we hope we're a part of making change in the world for the better.

3. We believe in doing with, not doing for

• One of our favourite writers is Bryant Myers, who wrote Walking with the Poor, and we are challenged to look at why and how we participate in development and human rights championing in ways that empower and strengthen our Cambodian colleagues. This often means doing more "behind the scenes" work, rather than frontline work.

4. We're passionate about how development and human rights are intrinsically linked

• We love discussions about human trafficking in the framework of human rights and development, and using our development background to understand the issues within the big picture of human capabilities. It is helpful to have people from many walks of life and work sectors come together to form a holistic view of community transformation.

5. We're excited about change and hope in Cambodia

• We don't know for sure how long we'll be in Cambodia, but we are both so in love with this country and find it incredibly exciting to be here during this time in its development. There is a lot to do, but there is also hope for the future, and it's exciting for us to be part of that.

We feel so thankful for being where we are, being challenged and contributing to something we believe in deeply.

Why do you do what you do? What are you thankful for?

Home Again, Home Again, Tra La La...

I've been putting off writing this "first" post. Since my last post, we've had a baby (she's awesome), had a six month home leave in Montreal (it was amazing), and survived the trek back to Cambodia, this time with 2 kids in tow (we survived!)

Keeping it all together with a family of four, sort of
Photo cred: OllieMateo

I want to chat about our home leave; I'll do that later.

I want to brag about my new daughter, though I do enough of that on Facebook ;)

I want to put into a few easy-to-read sentences the complex emotions we are all going through being back in Cambodia. I don't know if it's possible. But I'll give it a try. In point form, because then I can at least pretend my feelings can be easily categorised and dealt with.

1. So happy! Reunions with friends and Phnom Penh family have been so joyful. Meals, pool time, play dates, events, coffee dates, catch-ups, home group meetings, it has all been so lovely.
2. At peace. We feel like Cambodia is still where we're meant to be for now. Walking into our apartment after 30 hours in transit felt very normal and peaceful, it was definitely coming home.
3. Thankful. Spending 7 months at home, and fitting so easily into our family, friend, and church groups during that time, was soul-feeding. Blessed doesn't begin to cover it.
4. Refreshed. I felt like we were constantly poured into by "our people" over those months. People loved us so well! Our time in Canada was relaxing and rejuvenating, and we're ready dive back into life in Cambodia.
5. Homesick. I've decided that it actually gets harder and harder to be away from loved ones. My heart feels torn in two and is constantly aching in the background of life.
6. Excited. So many new challenges ahead and Charlie and I are both ready to jump in! I am heading more towards work in economic resilience and Charlie is shaping his role at Chab Dai in new and exciting ways. More to come on that ;)
7. Anxious. With new challenges come new anxieties! Not just over work, but also wanting to make sure the girls are secure and well. My motherly anxiety is something I am always praying over and working at.
8. [The emotion of wanting to carry all your kids' burdens.] Is there a word for that yet? For the first time, Sam has been able to verbalise her sadness over leaving people behind, and we are trying to coach her through it, but sometimes I just want to take it all on myself so she doesn't have to feel the sadness.

So if you're wondering how I'm doing, I'm usually a combination of many of these. Which is why, if you ask me, "How are you doing?" I'll probably respond with, "Umm, yeah, pretty well."

3 Ways Rape and Trafficking Are Connected

When describing the work of Chab Dai and our members and partners to friends, family, strangers, and interested parties, people often ask for clarification as to why we work so much with rape victims. "What do rape and trafficking have to do with each other?" is a common wondering we get from people.

Valid question!

For many reasons, the issue of trafficking has been largely addressed and communicated about in a "silo;" but if we are going to eradicate trafficking, we need to look at it in the context of human rights, development, and dignity of the whole person and whole community. One of the ways we can do this is by beginning to understand how these issues are interconnected.

Hopefully, these three points will help you understand some of the the complexity of trafficking, and inspire you to learn more!

3 Ways Rape and Trafficking Are Connected*

1. 
In Cambodian society, once a girl is raped, she is seen to have lost her dignity and worth, and the damage is deemed irreparable. There is a Cambodian saying that goes, "Men are like gold, women are like cloth." Whereas gold is strong and does not lose value, cloth is easily stained. Even though it's not her fault, a raped woman will likely be unable to be honourably married, and often cannot even stay in her home community because of the stigma attached to being a victim of sexual assault. This becomes a major vulnerability factor that leads raped women to enter or be forced into the sex industry ("she is ruined anyway"), where she will likely be exploited and trafficked.

2. 
Some research has shown that victims of sex trafficking have a higher sense of control than do victims of rape. Although this may be deemed a false sense of control, stemming from the part the victim played in entering a situation of sexual exploitation, it still affects her state of mind and how resilient she may be in both the exploitative situation in which she finds herself and in the recovery process once she escapes. A victim of rape may enter the sex industry to regain a sense of control over her body, seeing as she is "already lost." 

3.
One of the push factors in sex trafficking is unequal gender relations, which includes many manifestations, such as girls being taken out school earlier to help provide for their families and the idea of girls being "fair game" for all male attention and expectations. It could be framed as a demand issue; sexual violence, such as both rape and sexual exploitation, could be seen as more acceptable (or less unacceptable) in a society where men and women are not seen and treated as equal.

* This is by no means an exhaustive list, nor is it the case for all victims of rape and trafficking, which is what makes trafficking such a complex issue! If you would like to read relevant research on these issues, write a comment below and I'll send you some interesting articles.

Happy New Year!!

And just like that, it's 2015!

It's going to be a big year for us. Half in Canada, half in Cambodia. Doubling the number of children we have (yikes!) Thinking through our roles and how to live out our calling when we return to Cambodia later this year.

For now, it's just the waiting game. Squeege may come any day now, or may take their sweet time and bake for an extra week or two! Hopefully, we'll have some exciting news within a week or so ;)

Sam is so excited to be a big sister!

It's a little amazing how "normal" it has felt to be home. We've settled in really well, we're in our own little place now and it's cosy and wonderful. I don't really miss Cambodia yet, although I do miss our community there. Knowing we're going back is a great feeling, and yet I'm so happy to be able to spend a few months in Montreal. 

For now, I'm content living in the moment and preparing myself for this second precious whirlwind about to enter our lives!