4 signs my TCK may not completely fit in in Canada

Sam has lived in Cambodia since she was 9 months old, everything she remembers is here. In preparing to go home for half a year, I've been noticing some things about her that may seem strange to Canadians and may get us and her labelled "eccentric."

The only modes of transportation she knows are motos and tuktuks. In fact, one of her current ambitions is to drive a tuktuk "when she is older." I'm thinking getting her into a car seat may prove a tad difficult.

On a recent excursion to Silk Island, Sam got to "drive" the tuktuk, sitting in
front of the driver as he slowly made his way down the dirt road as we walked beside.

She takes off her shoes whenever she enters an indoor space. Because that's what you do. Even at the Chab Dai office, everyone walks around barefoot, and there is are shelves of shoes outside. The other day we went into the supermarket, where one leaves one's shoes on, of course, and she sat by the door and took off her shoes and left them there! I can just imagine her doing that with her winter boots and socks when we go to IGA or Costco back in Montreal!

Our new boots, ready to be winter worn!

"Cold" for Sam is when the air con is on. Wearing socks is only for when we go to Monkey Business (kids play gym) where socks are required. And she wants to wear a sweater on mornings when there is a warm breeze floating across the balcony.

Earlier this year, we went to Sri Lanka and hiked to World's End. It was
bright, sunny, and 15 degrees Celsius, and we were freezing!!

She has picked up a few, umm, interesting habits as a TCK in Cambodia. She has an adorable and strange accent when she says certain words and phrases (sometimes a Khmer accent, sometimes a French accent). And some less charming habits. We were sitting in the Russian Market the other day enjoying a mid-errand lime juice when my darling toddler actually "hawked a loogie" and spit it on the floor of the market! Straight faced, completely nonchalant, leaving Charlie and I to stare in shock at what had just transpired. I am crossing my fingers and hoping she does not do something like that back home!

So if you see her doing something strange or unusual in Canada, just chalk it up to growing up in Cambodia! (And not at all to her weird parents, ok?!)

A Day in the Life

I like my job. It's about the least sexy job in counter-trafficking or development in general, but I enjoy it a lot. Because it's not a sexy job, I often don't talk about what it entails. So in an attempt to share what I do on a day-to-day basis, here is a day in my life in pictures. Because my moto has been finicky these days, I took a tuktuk around to my appointments yesterday and whipped my iPhone out to capture the day (very carefully, so as to not get my phone snatched, an unfortunate but common occurrence these days in Phnom Penh).

After kissing Sam and Charlie goodbye, I hopped in a tuktuk to head up to the north end of the city for my first meeting. I went over the brand new overpass on the way! This cuts down transit times significantly for people commuting from the north to downtown. Don't get me wrong, though, it's still far, around 40 minutes one-way from my place.

As we entered Toul Kork, where I had my meeting, I suffered minor culture shock at the gated communities and manicured lawns. I love living in Toul Tompong, but green space and huge villas are not something our neighbourhood is known for.

I got to the cafe where I had my meeting, and got stood up, due to a scheduling mix up... on their part, not mine. People are perpetually busy and missing meetings happens. So instead, I worked on other things for the morning. I am consulting for Chab Dai's Charter project, an organisational development and capacity building project mainly for our local, grassroots members. I am currently drafting a proposal on the project's second phase around engaging organisations in peer mentoring and support. It ended up being a very productive morning!

At lunchtime I hopped back in a tuktuk back to my end of the city. My tuktuk driver took some interesting "short-cuts" through parts of the city I had never seen, past ubiquitous construction sites that pepper the city...

...and past pagodas, alleyways, and abandoned train tracks.

And I went to lunch with a friend who is transitioning to consultancy work and wanted to pick my brain about the consulting world in Cambodia and at a couple specific NGOs. We chatted about negotiating terms and the pros and cons of being a consultant, and wandered into dreaming about starting businesses here. It was a great chat! And great food. All around a great lunch.

Meanwhile, Charlie had picked up Sam at school and brought her home for lunch and naptime. I got home to relieve him so he could go back to work for the afternoon. Sam slept while I set up to work at home.

We don't have an office, and my pregnancy ankles needed some reprieve, so I set up on my bed. I switched modes from Chab Dai work to World Vision work for the afternoon.

I'm just starting a study with World Vision's Child Protection Unit on how to provide care and services for child survivors of sex trafficking in the community (as opposed to institutional care). I'll be interviewing experts, foster families, and children to map out best practices and existing services. Right now I'm writing the literature review in order to inform interview questions and see how we can adapt learning from other parts of the world and similar sectors to this new initiative.

In the late afternoon (Sam naps and then plays alone in her bedroom for quite a while each day) Sam came out and was ready to play, so we changed into our bathing suits and chased each other around the balcony with a spray bottle. It was awesome!

Then we dried off, snuggled for a bit, and went downstairs, where Sam "cleaned" while we waited for Charlie to get home from work. 

Supper, family time, and early to bed for me and Squeege. And that was my day!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today I am thankful for our Canadian Phnom Penh family! We had a wonderful Thanksgiving party at a local restaurant, with amazing food (I seriously wanted to sink my face into the pumpkin pie), good company, laughter, and lots of toddlers running around. What a blessing to be able to celebrate a home holiday with these great friends. Here are some pics of the events.

The beautifully set table and people arriving

Charlie and some good friends

Julia and some good friends 

Sam at the craft table making her pumpkin collage, wearing her turkey hat

Another "craft" the kids worked on

The group, so many awesome Canadians here in Phnom Penh!

What's in your backpack?

As part of our home group's series on Pilgrimage, Charlie and I led our meeting yesterday on the "Journey of Simplicity." There is so much that can be done on the topic and we took a while to settle on which part of "simplicity" we were going to focus on.

Part of what we focused on was to go back to our core selves and think about what is that makes up what we truly "need." Charlie read a chapter from A Way: The Story of a Long Walk, a wonderful book written by my own incredibly talented sister, Jenna Smith, called "The Backpack." And we used the idea of a backpack as a metaphor for reflecting on and discussing what we carry in our life/faith journey's backpack. Things that weight us down, things we would prefer to discard, things we absolutely need and help along the way.

It's such a good book! You should read it!

We talked a lot about relationships, family, God, faith - all good and necessary things in our backpacks. But we also talked about hurts and past mistakes that we continue to carry with us. One big one was grief and mourning. Grief is a natural part of life, but we agreed that living overseas, ongoing grief is a big part of our lives and much closer to the surface. We are constantly having to say goodbye to dear friends, friends who become more like family in this context, and it is an ongoing struggle to hold those relationships with open hands.

We also talked about deferred mourning, for family members, such as grandparents, who pass away "back home," and if we're unable to travel home for the funeral, it often doesn't really become real until we go home and they are no longer there. I have experienced this a little with the passing of grandmother at the end of last year. I know she's gone, but I sometimes catch myself thinking about seeing her when we go home at Christmas. 

We carry these things with us, and all the emotions that go along with them. The battle of feeling torn between two worlds, the relationships that are so encouraging but sometimes come with expectations we may not be ready to meet, the past mistakes that, although forgiven, still weigh on us many years later. 

So, what's in your backpack? What do you need to carry with you in order to ease the journey? What do you wish you could discard from the backpack and leave behind?

The Gratitude Challenge

Along with many others, I have been "nominated" to do the Gratitude Challenge. Accepted! Every day this week I've written down three things I am thankful for - here they are!

Monday:

1. An AMAZING church/home group community here in Phnom Penh. I feel challenged, heard, and loved by this group, and even though the transience that is normal of expat community is difficult, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
2. Skype, What's App, Facebook, email: they don't (and can't) replace in-person conversations and quality time, but they sure make living on the other side of the world more bearable.
3. Air conditioning. I know this might sound frivolous but I really don't think my Canadian body will ever truly adapt to the tropical climate! Now that I'm pregnant, I appreciate it all the more, and I am thankful that we can afford to live in and go to places that have air con.

Home group trip to Kep, on the Cambodian seaside, in February of this
year. The transience of expat life is demonstrated by the fact that half
this group is no longer in Cambodia! We are so grateful for this
community, whether they are here or not!

Tuesday:

1. A healthy foetus. Every time I go to a prenatal appointment, I am so thankful that Squeege is growing, moving, and healthy. S/he is a wiggler, just like Saméa was... very suspicious ;)
2. A toddler who sleeps long and well: We made sure of this from a very young age and I am so thankful we did! She goes to bed around 6:30 every night and sleeps (or stays in her room) until past 7:00 every morning - what a joy!
3. A wonderful husband who loves being a father: I love that we take equal responsibility in childcare, and how his (and our) worldview on marriage and parenting mean that I get to develop in my career while also having young children. I am keenly aware that I am of a privileged society and generation that enables this worldview.

My beautiful family, for whom I am thankful every day!

Wednesday:

1. A career where I often feel challenged: even though consultancy work sometimes wears on me, I am grateful for the opportunities to stretch myself and learn as I go. This week I am writing an NGO partnership contract full of legal jargon, leading a Focus Group Discussion on Khmer staff perceptions of volunteer impact, completing a Letter of Interest for a grant for organisational development and capacity building, and finalising the preliminary framework for a macro-assessment database on the Cambodian development landscape. Definitely enough to keep me busy!
2. A stimulating and fun book club with my Chab Dai colleagues: every Wednesday, we get together for lunch to discuss our current chapter. We vote on which books to read and take turns leading discussion. So far this year we've read Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (see our team's blog post about it here) and Brysk & Choi-Fitzpatrick's From Human Trafficking to Human Rights. This week we're starting Prahalad's The Fortune at the Bottom of the Pyramid.
3. The freedom to dream about where my career is headed: unlike many people around the world, I will not have to have the same job my whole life. I have plans and dreams and I can make them happen. Yes, I work hard, but I am also just really lucky to have been born and raised in a country and family that gave me opportunities to learn and grow and build a good resume. And for that I am incredibly grateful.

Our weekly Chab Dai book club meeting at Alma Cafe

Thursday:

1. All the wonderful ladies in my life! I have a group of best friends back home who have loved and accepted me for over a decade, and still keep in touch even though I live across the ocean. I also have amazing girlfriends here in Phnom Penh who understand me and do life with me in such beautiful and authentic ways. 
2. The women in my family, especially my Mom, who have shown me what it means to be a strong woman, how to live out my faith in deep ways, how to pursue excellence and honesty. 
3. My Dad: For raising my sisters and me with "I love you more today than I did yesterday and there is nothing you can ever do to change my love for you" and giving us the choice between the oak tree and the flower. For continuing to challenge me and allowing himself to be challenged by me. For being a feminist without needing the label. 

With my Mom and sisters in Hawaii last year

Friday:

1. My Christian upbringing: some say that the only reason I am a Christian as an adult is because I was raised Christian and, frankly, I don't care. Aren't we all influenced in some way by the values and habits that were instilled in us as children? I am thankful that my parents raised me to know and experience God's grace, and also taught me to think critically so I could make my faith my own.
2. Books: All the books! I am grateful for being literate and able to enjoy, learn from, and lose myself in books. Fiction, non-fiction, theological, fun, challenging - I love being a reader! I guess that's why I'm already in two book clubs and want to start a third!
3. Airplanes: When Charlie's grandparents left Manitoba with their kids and headed to Greece to work with MCC, not only did the journey take days and days, but they left knowing they would not see their friends and family for years to come. Even though we can't afford to fly home as often as we would like, it is much easier and more realistic to see our home community more often. We have a couple friends who have already been to see us twice in 2 years! How amazing is that?!

Yes, this is me reading an e-book on the laptop.
It was a graphic novel and the pages were bigger
and better by turning the laptop sideways!

So that's it! Just a few of the things that I am thankful for. How about you?

September 2014 Newsletter

Books We Love

Charlie and I both LOVE to read. Our reading styles are very different; if I love what I'm reading, I'll say, "Charlie, you have to read this book!" upon which he will either later read or not read the book in question. On the other hand, if Charlie is enjoying what he's reading, he likes to interrupt whatever I'm doing to read whole excerpts aloud to me, upon which I either graciously stop what I'm doing and listen, or snap, "Just a minute!" and proceed to listen or not listen to what he's saying.

It's not a perfect system. But we're working on it.

And we both LOVE to read!

And so, in honour of our love of the written word, here are our respective Top 10 Books That Have Had a Lasting Impact on Our Lives.

Julia

It took me a while to be OK with making this list, and then I remembered that I don't have to commit to it forever and ever, and I acknowledge that it may change, A LOT, in years to come. My main method for choosing my books was to choose ones that I enjoy going back to read wether in whole or in part, or books that touched me deeply and I kept thinking about long after finishing them. So here goes, and in no particular order:

1. Walking With the Poor: Principles and Practices of Transformational Development by Bryant Myers
2. Development as Freedom by Amartya Sen
3. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
4. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
5. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
6. Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth by Richard J. Foster
7. The Problem of Pain by C. S. Lewis
8. The Giver by Lois Lowry
9. Poor Economics: A Radical Rethinking of the Way to Fight Global Poverty by Abhijit V. Banerjee & Esther Duflo
10. The Holy Bible, New Revised Standard Version

Charlie

1. Dune by Frank Herbert 
2. Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
3. Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Friere
4. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
5. Development as Freedom by Amartya Sen
6. Walking with the Poor by Bryant L. Myers
7. Ordering your Private World by Gordon MacDonald
8. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
9.  Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
10. The End of Poverty by Jeffrey Sachs