Expats Suffer From G.O.M.O.

One of my best friends here just gave birth, and it was a huge surprise. She was supposed to leave this past weekend for Bangkok, where she would hang out for a few weeks, waiting for the wee one to make his entrance at a Thai hospital. Well, wee one decided that 36 weeks was enough baking, thank you very much, and rushed into the world early one morning last week at a hospital here in Phnom Penh.

It has been an immense privilege to be close to our friends through this. I've mentioned before how friends become family in the expat community, so we truly feel like we are welcoming this new baby into the family! 

I think part of why I am so excited to be around for this is that we are missing so many things, big and small, that are happening with friends and family in other parts of the world. Instead of suffering from F.O.M.O. (which I also do, in general, to some extent!) I think many expats suffer from the Grief of Missing Out. We know we're missing things - births, parties, holidays, even deaths sometimes - and even though I would say we've made our peace about what it means to live overseas, we're still sad to miss out.

Missing all the people.

I'm in a What's App group with some of my Montreal friends, which they mostly use to make weekend and evening plans with each other. I haven't gotten around to leaving the text group since we came back from home leave, and I don't think I want to. I've made my peace about not being able to go to the pub after work or go hiking in the Laurentians this weekend, but I also like being a "fly on the wall" of their plan making. It helps with my grieving over these small missed events.

I have a few girlfriends in Montreal who are due in the next months, and it kills me a bit that I won't meet their babies for quite a while, that I won't be able to bring them frozen dinners, that I won't be able to drop by and hold the fort for a few minutes so they can, I don't know, go to the bathroom or something. I'm not afraid of missing out, I know I am, and I'm not sure it gets easier.

Do you suffer from G.O.M.O.? How do you handle it? 

What's in your backpack?

As part of our home group's series on Pilgrimage, Charlie and I led our meeting yesterday on the "Journey of Simplicity." There is so much that can be done on the topic and we took a while to settle on which part of "simplicity" we were going to focus on.

Part of what we focused on was to go back to our core selves and think about what is that makes up what we truly "need." Charlie read a chapter from A Way: The Story of a Long Walk, a wonderful book written by my own incredibly talented sister, Jenna Smith, called "The Backpack." And we used the idea of a backpack as a metaphor for reflecting on and discussing what we carry in our life/faith journey's backpack. Things that weight us down, things we would prefer to discard, things we absolutely need and help along the way.

It's such a good book! You should read it!

We talked a lot about relationships, family, God, faith - all good and necessary things in our backpacks. But we also talked about hurts and past mistakes that we continue to carry with us. One big one was grief and mourning. Grief is a natural part of life, but we agreed that living overseas, ongoing grief is a big part of our lives and much closer to the surface. We are constantly having to say goodbye to dear friends, friends who become more like family in this context, and it is an ongoing struggle to hold those relationships with open hands.

We also talked about deferred mourning, for family members, such as grandparents, who pass away "back home," and if we're unable to travel home for the funeral, it often doesn't really become real until we go home and they are no longer there. I have experienced this a little with the passing of grandmother at the end of last year. I know she's gone, but I sometimes catch myself thinking about seeing her when we go home at Christmas. 

We carry these things with us, and all the emotions that go along with them. The battle of feeling torn between two worlds, the relationships that are so encouraging but sometimes come with expectations we may not be ready to meet, the past mistakes that, although forgiven, still weigh on us many years later. 

So, what's in your backpack? What do you need to carry with you in order to ease the journey? What do you wish you could discard from the backpack and leave behind?

The Gratitude Challenge

Along with many others, I have been "nominated" to do the Gratitude Challenge. Accepted! Every day this week I've written down three things I am thankful for - here they are!

Monday:

1. An AMAZING church/home group community here in Phnom Penh. I feel challenged, heard, and loved by this group, and even though the transience that is normal of expat community is difficult, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
2. Skype, What's App, Facebook, email: they don't (and can't) replace in-person conversations and quality time, but they sure make living on the other side of the world more bearable.
3. Air conditioning. I know this might sound frivolous but I really don't think my Canadian body will ever truly adapt to the tropical climate! Now that I'm pregnant, I appreciate it all the more, and I am thankful that we can afford to live in and go to places that have air con.

Home group trip to Kep, on the Cambodian seaside, in February of this
year. The transience of expat life is demonstrated by the fact that half
this group is no longer in Cambodia! We are so grateful for this
community, whether they are here or not!

Tuesday:

1. A healthy foetus. Every time I go to a prenatal appointment, I am so thankful that Squeege is growing, moving, and healthy. S/he is a wiggler, just like Saméa was... very suspicious ;)
2. A toddler who sleeps long and well: We made sure of this from a very young age and I am so thankful we did! She goes to bed around 6:30 every night and sleeps (or stays in her room) until past 7:00 every morning - what a joy!
3. A wonderful husband who loves being a father: I love that we take equal responsibility in childcare, and how his (and our) worldview on marriage and parenting mean that I get to develop in my career while also having young children. I am keenly aware that I am of a privileged society and generation that enables this worldview.

My beautiful family, for whom I am thankful every day!

Wednesday:

1. A career where I often feel challenged: even though consultancy work sometimes wears on me, I am grateful for the opportunities to stretch myself and learn as I go. This week I am writing an NGO partnership contract full of legal jargon, leading a Focus Group Discussion on Khmer staff perceptions of volunteer impact, completing a Letter of Interest for a grant for organisational development and capacity building, and finalising the preliminary framework for a macro-assessment database on the Cambodian development landscape. Definitely enough to keep me busy!
2. A stimulating and fun book club with my Chab Dai colleagues: every Wednesday, we get together for lunch to discuss our current chapter. We vote on which books to read and take turns leading discussion. So far this year we've read Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (see our team's blog post about it here) and Brysk & Choi-Fitzpatrick's From Human Trafficking to Human Rights. This week we're starting Prahalad's The Fortune at the Bottom of the Pyramid.
3. The freedom to dream about where my career is headed: unlike many people around the world, I will not have to have the same job my whole life. I have plans and dreams and I can make them happen. Yes, I work hard, but I am also just really lucky to have been born and raised in a country and family that gave me opportunities to learn and grow and build a good resume. And for that I am incredibly grateful.

Our weekly Chab Dai book club meeting at Alma Cafe

Thursday:

1. All the wonderful ladies in my life! I have a group of best friends back home who have loved and accepted me for over a decade, and still keep in touch even though I live across the ocean. I also have amazing girlfriends here in Phnom Penh who understand me and do life with me in such beautiful and authentic ways. 
2. The women in my family, especially my Mom, who have shown me what it means to be a strong woman, how to live out my faith in deep ways, how to pursue excellence and honesty. 
3. My Dad: For raising my sisters and me with "I love you more today than I did yesterday and there is nothing you can ever do to change my love for you" and giving us the choice between the oak tree and the flower. For continuing to challenge me and allowing himself to be challenged by me. For being a feminist without needing the label. 

With my Mom and sisters in Hawaii last year

Friday:

1. My Christian upbringing: some say that the only reason I am a Christian as an adult is because I was raised Christian and, frankly, I don't care. Aren't we all influenced in some way by the values and habits that were instilled in us as children? I am thankful that my parents raised me to know and experience God's grace, and also taught me to think critically so I could make my faith my own.
2. Books: All the books! I am grateful for being literate and able to enjoy, learn from, and lose myself in books. Fiction, non-fiction, theological, fun, challenging - I love being a reader! I guess that's why I'm already in two book clubs and want to start a third!
3. Airplanes: When Charlie's grandparents left Manitoba with their kids and headed to Greece to work with MCC, not only did the journey take days and days, but they left knowing they would not see their friends and family for years to come. Even though we can't afford to fly home as often as we would like, it is much easier and more realistic to see our home community more often. We have a couple friends who have already been to see us twice in 2 years! How amazing is that?!

Yes, this is me reading an e-book on the laptop.
It was a graphic novel and the pages were bigger
and better by turning the laptop sideways!

So that's it! Just a few of the things that I am thankful for. How about you?

Lenten Reflections

At home group this week, our friends led a beautiful reflection and discussion about the desert and the [living] water. They showed two videos, which we discussed afterward, and both were so touching to me I wanted to share.

If you have 15 minutes or so, these two videos are great for reflecting on Lent and Easter. The first video is about Jesus' 40 days in the desert; it really struck me and got me thinking about just how long Jesus spent in the wilderness, how he was at his weakest when he faced his temptation, and how he still found the strength to repel evil. I have often read this passage (Matthew 4:1-11) but didn't really stop to think about the desperation, pain, fear, hunger, and even boredom Jesus must have felt throughout these 40 days. He must have also attained moments of perfect peace, calm, and joy during this time.

Here's the video, enjoy!

Pretty cool, eh?

The next video is shorter and from BBC Earth's series on Africa, and this clip is about the "Resurrection Plant," which I had not heard of before. It reminded me of how my faith journey is not linear; after a period of "being in the desert," so to speak, I don't start over at the beginning. And when I learn a lesson I feel I've learned before, I am learning as a different person than I was when I learned it before.

If nothing else, it's just a beautiful video!