Home Again, Home Again, Tra La La...

I've been putting off writing this "first" post. Since my last post, we've had a baby (she's awesome), had a six month home leave in Montreal (it was amazing), and survived the trek back to Cambodia, this time with 2 kids in tow (we survived!)

Keeping it all together with a family of four, sort of
Photo cred: OllieMateo

I want to chat about our home leave; I'll do that later.

I want to brag about my new daughter, though I do enough of that on Facebook ;)

I want to put into a few easy-to-read sentences the complex emotions we are all going through being back in Cambodia. I don't know if it's possible. But I'll give it a try. In point form, because then I can at least pretend my feelings can be easily categorised and dealt with.

1. So happy! Reunions with friends and Phnom Penh family have been so joyful. Meals, pool time, play dates, events, coffee dates, catch-ups, home group meetings, it has all been so lovely.
2. At peace. We feel like Cambodia is still where we're meant to be for now. Walking into our apartment after 30 hours in transit felt very normal and peaceful, it was definitely coming home.
3. Thankful. Spending 7 months at home, and fitting so easily into our family, friend, and church groups during that time, was soul-feeding. Blessed doesn't begin to cover it.
4. Refreshed. I felt like we were constantly poured into by "our people" over those months. People loved us so well! Our time in Canada was relaxing and rejuvenating, and we're ready dive back into life in Cambodia.
5. Homesick. I've decided that it actually gets harder and harder to be away from loved ones. My heart feels torn in two and is constantly aching in the background of life.
6. Excited. So many new challenges ahead and Charlie and I are both ready to jump in! I am heading more towards work in economic resilience and Charlie is shaping his role at Chab Dai in new and exciting ways. More to come on that ;)
7. Anxious. With new challenges come new anxieties! Not just over work, but also wanting to make sure the girls are secure and well. My motherly anxiety is something I am always praying over and working at.
8. [The emotion of wanting to carry all your kids' burdens.] Is there a word for that yet? For the first time, Sam has been able to verbalise her sadness over leaving people behind, and we are trying to coach her through it, but sometimes I just want to take it all on myself so she doesn't have to feel the sadness.

So if you're wondering how I'm doing, I'm usually a combination of many of these. Which is why, if you ask me, "How are you doing?" I'll probably respond with, "Umm, yeah, pretty well."

3 Ways Rape and Trafficking Are Connected

When describing the work of Chab Dai and our members and partners to friends, family, strangers, and interested parties, people often ask for clarification as to why we work so much with rape victims. "What do rape and trafficking have to do with each other?" is a common wondering we get from people.

Valid question!

For many reasons, the issue of trafficking has been largely addressed and communicated about in a "silo;" but if we are going to eradicate trafficking, we need to look at it in the context of human rights, development, and dignity of the whole person and whole community. One of the ways we can do this is by beginning to understand how these issues are interconnected.

Hopefully, these three points will help you understand some of the the complexity of trafficking, and inspire you to learn more!

3 Ways Rape and Trafficking Are Connected*

1. 
In Cambodian society, once a girl is raped, she is seen to have lost her dignity and worth, and the damage is deemed irreparable. There is a Cambodian saying that goes, "Men are like gold, women are like cloth." Whereas gold is strong and does not lose value, cloth is easily stained. Even though it's not her fault, a raped woman will likely be unable to be honourably married, and often cannot even stay in her home community because of the stigma attached to being a victim of sexual assault. This becomes a major vulnerability factor that leads raped women to enter or be forced into the sex industry ("she is ruined anyway"), where she will likely be exploited and trafficked.

2. 
Some research has shown that victims of sex trafficking have a higher sense of control than do victims of rape. Although this may be deemed a false sense of control, stemming from the part the victim played in entering a situation of sexual exploitation, it still affects her state of mind and how resilient she may be in both the exploitative situation in which she finds herself and in the recovery process once she escapes. A victim of rape may enter the sex industry to regain a sense of control over her body, seeing as she is "already lost." 

3.
One of the push factors in sex trafficking is unequal gender relations, which includes many manifestations, such as girls being taken out school earlier to help provide for their families and the idea of girls being "fair game" for all male attention and expectations. It could be framed as a demand issue; sexual violence, such as both rape and sexual exploitation, could be seen as more acceptable (or less unacceptable) in a society where men and women are not seen and treated as equal.

* This is by no means an exhaustive list, nor is it the case for all victims of rape and trafficking, which is what makes trafficking such a complex issue! If you would like to read relevant research on these issues, write a comment below and I'll send you some interesting articles.

Happy New Year!!

And just like that, it's 2015!

It's going to be a big year for us. Half in Canada, half in Cambodia. Doubling the number of children we have (yikes!) Thinking through our roles and how to live out our calling when we return to Cambodia later this year.

For now, it's just the waiting game. Squeege may come any day now, or may take their sweet time and bake for an extra week or two! Hopefully, we'll have some exciting news within a week or so ;)

Sam is so excited to be a big sister!

It's a little amazing how "normal" it has felt to be home. We've settled in really well, we're in our own little place now and it's cosy and wonderful. I don't really miss Cambodia yet, although I do miss our community there. Knowing we're going back is a great feeling, and yet I'm so happy to be able to spend a few months in Montreal. 

For now, I'm content living in the moment and preparing myself for this second precious whirlwind about to enter our lives!

Top 5 Posts of 2014

I can't believe it's December! Sam and I have been home in Montreal for 10 days and Charlie arrives at the end of this week. It's a busy and tiring time, so I opted for a Throwback (not Thursday) blog post.

I have so enjoyed writing the blog this year and having conversations about various issues and posts with friends and family. Here are the 5 blog posts that were viewed the most in 2014, enjoy!

#1
Sometimes Cambodia looks like Hawaii
Grappling with how people view our work and lives overseas

#2
Things I do in Cambodia that could get me arrested in Canada
AKA Things that keep my Mom's prayer life rich and committed

#3
How to Survive a Long-Haul Flight with a Toddler
A guide on travelling long distances with small people

#4

Oui, Allo?
How calling and passion are beautifully intertwined

#5
Regarding Somaly Mam
Reflections on the popular activist's fall from grace

4 signs my TCK may not completely fit in in Canada

Sam has lived in Cambodia since she was 9 months old, everything she remembers is here. In preparing to go home for half a year, I've been noticing some things about her that may seem strange to Canadians and may get us and her labelled "eccentric."

The only modes of transportation she knows are motos and tuktuks. In fact, one of her current ambitions is to drive a tuktuk "when she is older." I'm thinking getting her into a car seat may prove a tad difficult.

On a recent excursion to Silk Island, Sam got to "drive" the tuktuk, sitting in
front of the driver as he slowly made his way down the dirt road as we walked beside.

She takes off her shoes whenever she enters an indoor space. Because that's what you do. Even at the Chab Dai office, everyone walks around barefoot, and there is are shelves of shoes outside. The other day we went into the supermarket, where one leaves one's shoes on, of course, and she sat by the door and took off her shoes and left them there! I can just imagine her doing that with her winter boots and socks when we go to IGA or Costco back in Montreal!

Our new boots, ready to be winter worn!

"Cold" for Sam is when the air con is on. Wearing socks is only for when we go to Monkey Business (kids play gym) where socks are required. And she wants to wear a sweater on mornings when there is a warm breeze floating across the balcony.

Earlier this year, we went to Sri Lanka and hiked to World's End. It was
bright, sunny, and 15 degrees Celsius, and we were freezing!!

She has picked up a few, umm, interesting habits as a TCK in Cambodia. She has an adorable and strange accent when she says certain words and phrases (sometimes a Khmer accent, sometimes a French accent). And some less charming habits. We were sitting in the Russian Market the other day enjoying a mid-errand lime juice when my darling toddler actually "hawked a loogie" and spit it on the floor of the market! Straight faced, completely nonchalant, leaving Charlie and I to stare in shock at what had just transpired. I am crossing my fingers and hoping she does not do something like that back home!

So if you see her doing something strange or unusual in Canada, just chalk it up to growing up in Cambodia! (And not at all to her weird parents, ok?!)

A Day in the Life

I like my job. It's about the least sexy job in counter-trafficking or development in general, but I enjoy it a lot. Because it's not a sexy job, I often don't talk about what it entails. So in an attempt to share what I do on a day-to-day basis, here is a day in my life in pictures. Because my moto has been finicky these days, I took a tuktuk around to my appointments yesterday and whipped my iPhone out to capture the day (very carefully, so as to not get my phone snatched, an unfortunate but common occurrence these days in Phnom Penh).

After kissing Sam and Charlie goodbye, I hopped in a tuktuk to head up to the north end of the city for my first meeting. I went over the brand new overpass on the way! This cuts down transit times significantly for people commuting from the north to downtown. Don't get me wrong, though, it's still far, around 40 minutes one-way from my place.

As we entered Toul Kork, where I had my meeting, I suffered minor culture shock at the gated communities and manicured lawns. I love living in Toul Tompong, but green space and huge villas are not something our neighbourhood is known for.

I got to the cafe where I had my meeting, and got stood up, due to a scheduling mix up... on their part, not mine. People are perpetually busy and missing meetings happens. So instead, I worked on other things for the morning. I am consulting for Chab Dai's Charter project, an organisational development and capacity building project mainly for our local, grassroots members. I am currently drafting a proposal on the project's second phase around engaging organisations in peer mentoring and support. It ended up being a very productive morning!

At lunchtime I hopped back in a tuktuk back to my end of the city. My tuktuk driver took some interesting "short-cuts" through parts of the city I had never seen, past ubiquitous construction sites that pepper the city...

...and past pagodas, alleyways, and abandoned train tracks.

And I went to lunch with a friend who is transitioning to consultancy work and wanted to pick my brain about the consulting world in Cambodia and at a couple specific NGOs. We chatted about negotiating terms and the pros and cons of being a consultant, and wandered into dreaming about starting businesses here. It was a great chat! And great food. All around a great lunch.

Meanwhile, Charlie had picked up Sam at school and brought her home for lunch and naptime. I got home to relieve him so he could go back to work for the afternoon. Sam slept while I set up to work at home.

We don't have an office, and my pregnancy ankles needed some reprieve, so I set up on my bed. I switched modes from Chab Dai work to World Vision work for the afternoon.

I'm just starting a study with World Vision's Child Protection Unit on how to provide care and services for child survivors of sex trafficking in the community (as opposed to institutional care). I'll be interviewing experts, foster families, and children to map out best practices and existing services. Right now I'm writing the literature review in order to inform interview questions and see how we can adapt learning from other parts of the world and similar sectors to this new initiative.

In the late afternoon (Sam naps and then plays alone in her bedroom for quite a while each day) Sam came out and was ready to play, so we changed into our bathing suits and chased each other around the balcony with a spray bottle. It was awesome!

Then we dried off, snuggled for a bit, and went downstairs, where Sam "cleaned" while we waited for Charlie to get home from work. 

Supper, family time, and early to bed for me and Squeege. And that was my day!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today I am thankful for our Canadian Phnom Penh family! We had a wonderful Thanksgiving party at a local restaurant, with amazing food (I seriously wanted to sink my face into the pumpkin pie), good company, laughter, and lots of toddlers running around. What a blessing to be able to celebrate a home holiday with these great friends. Here are some pics of the events.

The beautifully set table and people arriving

Charlie and some good friends

Julia and some good friends 

Sam at the craft table making her pumpkin collage, wearing her turkey hat

Another "craft" the kids worked on

The group, so many awesome Canadians here in Phnom Penh!