Home Again, Home Again, Tra La La...

I've been putting off writing this "first" post. Since my last post, we've had a baby (she's awesome), had a six month home leave in Montreal (it was amazing), and survived the trek back to Cambodia, this time with 2 kids in tow (we survived!)

Keeping it all together with a family of four, sort of
Photo cred: OllieMateo

I want to chat about our home leave; I'll do that later.

I want to brag about my new daughter, though I do enough of that on Facebook ;)

I want to put into a few easy-to-read sentences the complex emotions we are all going through being back in Cambodia. I don't know if it's possible. But I'll give it a try. In point form, because then I can at least pretend my feelings can be easily categorised and dealt with.

1. So happy! Reunions with friends and Phnom Penh family have been so joyful. Meals, pool time, play dates, events, coffee dates, catch-ups, home group meetings, it has all been so lovely.
2. At peace. We feel like Cambodia is still where we're meant to be for now. Walking into our apartment after 30 hours in transit felt very normal and peaceful, it was definitely coming home.
3. Thankful. Spending 7 months at home, and fitting so easily into our family, friend, and church groups during that time, was soul-feeding. Blessed doesn't begin to cover it.
4. Refreshed. I felt like we were constantly poured into by "our people" over those months. People loved us so well! Our time in Canada was relaxing and rejuvenating, and we're ready dive back into life in Cambodia.
5. Homesick. I've decided that it actually gets harder and harder to be away from loved ones. My heart feels torn in two and is constantly aching in the background of life.
6. Excited. So many new challenges ahead and Charlie and I are both ready to jump in! I am heading more towards work in economic resilience and Charlie is shaping his role at Chab Dai in new and exciting ways. More to come on that ;)
7. Anxious. With new challenges come new anxieties! Not just over work, but also wanting to make sure the girls are secure and well. My motherly anxiety is something I am always praying over and working at.
8. [The emotion of wanting to carry all your kids' burdens.] Is there a word for that yet? For the first time, Sam has been able to verbalise her sadness over leaving people behind, and we are trying to coach her through it, but sometimes I just want to take it all on myself so she doesn't have to feel the sadness.

So if you're wondering how I'm doing, I'm usually a combination of many of these. Which is why, if you ask me, "How are you doing?" I'll probably respond with, "Umm, yeah, pretty well."