Books We Love

Charlie and I both LOVE to read. Our reading styles are very different; if I love what I'm reading, I'll say, "Charlie, you have to read this book!" upon which he will either later read or not read the book in question. On the other hand, if Charlie is enjoying what he's reading, he likes to interrupt whatever I'm doing to read whole excerpts aloud to me, upon which I either graciously stop what I'm doing and listen, or snap, "Just a minute!" and proceed to listen or not listen to what he's saying.

It's not a perfect system. But we're working on it.

And we both LOVE to read!

And so, in honour of our love of the written word, here are our respective Top 10 Books That Have Had a Lasting Impact on Our Lives.

Julia

It took me a while to be OK with making this list, and then I remembered that I don't have to commit to it forever and ever, and I acknowledge that it may change, A LOT, in years to come. My main method for choosing my books was to choose ones that I enjoy going back to read wether in whole or in part, or books that touched me deeply and I kept thinking about long after finishing them. So here goes, and in no particular order:

1. Walking With the Poor: Principles and Practices of Transformational Development by Bryant Myers
2. Development as Freedom by Amartya Sen
3. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
4. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
5. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
6. Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth by Richard J. Foster
7. The Problem of Pain by C. S. Lewis
8. The Giver by Lois Lowry
9. Poor Economics: A Radical Rethinking of the Way to Fight Global Poverty by Abhijit V. Banerjee & Esther Duflo
10. The Holy Bible, New Revised Standard Version

Charlie

1. Dune by Frank Herbert 
2. Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
3. Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Friere
4. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
5. Development as Freedom by Amartya Sen
6. Walking with the Poor by Bryant L. Myers
7. Ordering your Private World by Gordon MacDonald
8. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
9.  Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
10. The End of Poverty by Jeffrey Sachs

Things I do regularly in Cambodia that could get me arrested in Canada

AKA "Things that keep my Mom's prayer life rich and committed" (you're welcome, Mom!)

• Driving into oncoming traffic: The easiest way to turn a corner here is to hug the corner closely and weave your way through traffic into your desired lane, even if that means turning left into oncoming traffic. Linked to this is a nonchalance about having other vehicles driving towards me in my lane of traffic. I think it makes my driving better and instincts more alert!
• Wearing my toddler in a backpack carrier, while driving my moto: She still wears a helmet! And this is better than the alternatives other Khmer families opt for, including having small children stand between the driver and the passenger.
• Jay walking: OK, I wouldn't get arrested for this one back home, but here I am taking my life in my hands a little more by doing it. You see, as a pedestrian, I am never afforded right of way, but instead am seen as the very bottom of the road traffic food chain. Bicycles, motos, tuktuks, cars, SUVs, and trucks are all above me and, therefore, see no need to stop to let me cross. I see my jay walking in Montreal as a kind of soft training for Phnom Penh jay walking.
• I let restaurant staff take care of my toddler while I eat: Maybe I should be teaching my daughter a little more about stranger danger, but it's just so nice to walk into a restaurant and have her whisked away into the kitchen or other room to be entertained and fawned over while Charlie and I have a nice quiet meal. Who turns down free childcare?
• We rarely put our toddler in a car seat: We rarely travel in cars, but when we do we're either going somewhere in town in a friend's car or in a hired van to go out of town, and in both cases, there is rarely enough room to put a car seat and all the passengers. So lap sitting it is. She's in for a rude awakening when we go back to Canada.

I do not feel cavalier about many of these things, some I am 100% fine with, others make me a little nervous. On the one hand, it's nice to live somewhere where regulations haven't gone completely crazy. On the other, I am keenly aware that there are more traffic-related accidents and deaths in Cambodia than anywhere else in the region. This is just the way we live. We are as careful as the circumstances allow, and trust our family will be protected. 

How to Survive a Long-Haul Flight with a Toddler

In Winker Wonker's short life, she has taken over 20 flights and is becoming quite the jet setter. And we've learned (mostly the hard way) some of the ins and outs of travelling long distance with a baby/toddler.

Her first trip was at 3 months, first to Victoria to visit
her Auntie Christa and then on to Winnipeg to meet
all of Charlie's family. On each of the four legs, she screamed
bloody murder for the first 10 minutes, and then settled down,
much the relief of myself and probably all the passengers.
The Air Canada flight attendants were all fantastic, especially for
flights up until Winnipeg, when I was travelling alone with her.
She was cuddled and cooed at by a large number of Air
Canada employees and they went out of their way to give us
good seats, allowed me to have a seat next to me for free for
her car seat, and held her while I settled in on each flight.

A lot of the "travel with children" advice I have found on Pinterest and various parenting/travel blogs function on the assumption that you are flying from one part of Canada or the U.S. to another part of Canada or the U.S. And, honestly, I can't help but laugh out loud at parents complaining about or dreading a 3.5 hour direct flight with their toddler. OK, yes, travel of any length with a small child can prove hellish, but really, talk to me 24 hours into a 37 hour commute across the world.

Winker's first big plane trip was at 8.5 months when we moved to Cambodia.
After a 6 hour drive from Montreal to Toronto, we did 15 hours from Toronto to Taipei,
a 3 hour layover, then another 3 hours to Phnom Penh. The longer flight was tough,
but a cake walk compared to the second one, when she screamed the ENTIRE time.

So if you are planning to travel far with small but mobile children, probably with at least one layover, hopefully this post is for you! Bear in mind that my knowledge is mainly East/Southeast Asia-North America centric, but I think most of these tips can be generalised.

When I mentioned I was writing this post to a friend (who happens to not have any children yet), he asked, "Doesn't it mainly consist of: Step 1 - buy Children's Gravol; Step 2 - apply liberally?" If you're pressed for time and don't want to read the rest of the post, then YES! Medicate away! Unfortunately, even with copious amounts of Gravol, toddlers have a knack for a) reacting adversely to the drugs, b) throwing up the Gravol if prone to air sickness, and/or c) sleeping peacefully for part of a flight and then making up for lost time once awake.

Also, as many parents know, there's much more to air travel with a toddler than the time actually spent in the air.

Booking your flights:

• Most parents of toddlers with experience in long-haul flights that I have talked to have discovered it is actually much easier to fly during the day, rather than overnight. Despite our best intentions and wishes and prayers and pleading, toddlers will not go to sleep and sleep their regular night, just because the flight schedule coincides with their bedtime hour and sleep schedule. We used to be able to do this to some extent when Winker Wonker was a baby, but no more. Even if she does get some sleep, the best case scenario is you'll all get a couple hours here and there and arrive grumpy and sleep-deprived. This is bad enough when you're travelling alone, add an ornery 2-year-old to the mix... no fun. {More on sleeping below.}

• Your toddler no longer fits in the airline bassinet, but you can still try and snag some sweet bulkhead seats for the extra leg room and lots of floor space to play on. Sometimes you have to pay for these (which I would recommend!) but often if you show up early enough, parade your cute and oh-so-potentially-tantrum-having child in front of the check-in clerk, they may take pity on you and just give you the seats! A silver lining to having to pay for a seat for over-2-year-olds is the extra space, not to mention the extra checked and carry-on allowances.

• Make sure you book a toddler meal if it is available and, if your child still does fit in the bassinet, be double sure you book it way in advance. I have seen a single mother carry her child in a carrier for a 12-hour flight because she thought she could just request a bassinet at the gate counter, only to find out they were all booked - one by us, 4 months earlier... sorry! 

• Related to the above point, find out what is offered for people travelling with small children when you are comparing airlines. You might be surprised. For instance, EVA Air provides ALL DIAPERS and MILK (as well as food and toys) for the entire flight. Not having to travel with at least a dozen diapers in our carry-on was a Godsend!

Preparing for the flight:

• I would say a stiff drink and a Xanax, but I'm pretty sure it's illegal to give that stuff to a child.

• Goodbye, Ideals. OK, this one might be hard to swallow, and let me tell you, it was hard for me to come to terms with it, too. The best way you can prepare for and survive long-haul flights with a toddler is this: throw away all your parenting philosophies and discipline techniques. You like to keep your kid on a "3 meals/2 snacks per day" schedule? Give the sweetie a snack any time she asks for it. If you are breastfeeding, and you're down to a good 3 hour feeding routine? Nurse on demand (especially for takeoff and landing). You don't believe in allowing your child too much electronic device time? Run that baby until the battery dies (and praise the Lord if there's a charging outlet under your seat!)

• Nom, nom, nom. One thing I would say pack a lot of is snacks. Although airlines do provide food on longer flights, it's always helpful to have some of your child's favourite treats, so that 1) you know you'll have food along that she likes, and 2) you can use food as a calming/bribing/entertainment mechanism (Remember? This post is called How to Survive, not How to Stick to Your Guns on a Long-Haul Flight with a Toddler!)

• (Added since original post, with the help of a comment from a traveling parent) Always do pack Children's Tylenol, just in case your child does get sick on a flight. The only thing worse than having a feverish child at 35,000 feet is not being able to do anything about it! You might also want to travel with nasal decongestants and EarPlanes earplugs. As my commenter put it, "Kids Eustachian tubes are not fully developed and protecting their ears from air pressure changes is important."

Checking-in and boarding:

• I do not like arriving at the airport early. I would rather fly by the seat of my pants (no pun intended), rush through check-in and security and customs and get to the gate as people are boarding. My husband HATES that. One of the only ways we do not travel well together is the constant battle of the wills on when to leave for the airport. And then we had a kid. And husband won. Not only does getting to the airport early play in your favour for getting better seats {see above!} it can also be ridiculously stressful to navigate all the lines and waiting with a toddler and all her stuff. Seriously, I thought my sister accessorised. I guess it does get a little better when baby becomes toddler, but you're still managing a wriggling person, a stroller, her carry-ons as well as yours, jackets and sweaters, shoes that come off and are flung at will at the most inconvenient times, etc. You get the gist.

• Because you're getting to the airport early, chances are you'll get to your gate early as well, and you'll have to keep you kid entertained until your flight begins boarding. If you are travelling as a couple with a child, you can take turns sitting with the bags and walking/running/exploring the terminal with your toddler. If you're travelling with your child alone, keep a cart for as long as possible. We find it helpful to keep our toddler moving a lot, so that she tires herself out a bit before being forced into a confined space for many, many hours.

• You know when the gate clerk calls, "We will now be boarding elite, super elite, mega special elite, all awesome VIPs... and families with small children"? That's you, now!! Normally, I like waiting until most people have boarded before I do (honestly, I don't see what the rush is to get into an assigned-seating small space I will have to share with 150 people for 10 hours), but sometimes it is nice to take advantage of pre-boarding because it gives us time to get settled, put away our carry-ons, and organise ourselves for the flight. We try to have main things easily accessible: we put a few diapers, wipes, a drink and snack, a couple toys/books, and iPad in the seat pockets, and all the rest goes into the overhead compartment. If you have an extra seat, or are paying for one for an over-2-year-old, it is very convenient to put your main carry-on under the seat in front of her, having easier access to the bag while not impeding your own foot room.

Sleeping on the plane:

• Don't try. This one's a tough one, and I think the best way to approach it is to function under the assumption that your child will not sleep at all on a flight of any length. That way, if she does, you'll be pleasantly surprised! In our experience, getting Winker Wonder to sleep on a flight works best when we don't actually try and put her to sleep. We attempted doing a full bedtime routine on the flight, complete with changing into pyjamas, reading books, singing songs, and a bottle a milk, but she would have none of it. A lot of this has to do with her sleep style, which has always been to fall asleep alone in a dark room, so trying to get her to sleep in a lit cabin, surrounded by noises and people was not a good idea. On the other hand, when we just played quietly for a while, eventually she would tire herself out and go to sleep willingly. She has slept on a lot of flights, thanks to this "do nothing" method ;)

• Be wary of Gravol. Again, it depends on your kid, but in a lot of cases, toddlers have adverse reactions to baby Gravol or baby Tylenol. Instead of it making them groggy, they get as wired as a frat boy on uppers. We have given up on medicating our toddler on flights; at best it has done nothing. If your toddler is prone to motion sickness, though, Gravol can be very effective at preventing a vomit-everywhere situation, which nobody likes. For a great post on traveling with sickness-prone children, see this Babble article, Kids Who Vomit on Airplanes - and the Parents Who Travel With Them. (Added since original post) If you do have a child prone to travel or air sickness, you might want to pack an extra change of clothes, not just for the child, but for yourself as well!

Entertaining your toddler:

• Keep it Simple. There are so many sites with advice on what to bring in your carry-on for a toddler. On our first trip back to North America when Winker was 19 months old, we overpacked our carry-on with all kinds of fun things to keep her busy for the 10 flights we were planning for various legs of out trip. In the end, we actually ended up not even using most of them. I have one word: iPad. It will save your life. There are awesome toddler Apps and videos available for free, fill up your device before you go, you will not regret it! Our darling also played for hours at a time with the playdough we brought, was even happier when we played with her. Most of the other stuff we brought she used maybe once, if at all. One piece of advice that worked like a charm was to buy a new toy and present it to your toddler partway through a flight. She loved the novelty of the toy and played much longer with it than she did with her other "old toys." We found one new toy kept its novelty over many flights in the same trip, as long as we kept it in the carry-on and only took it out for flights.

If you want some entertainment ideas for flights with

toddlers, check out my Pinterest board. I've checked out

all the pins on the board, and only pinned the best ones.

Layovers:

• Activities galore. Sometimes you can't really choose your layovers, especially if you're trying to book the cheapest or fastest trip. Normally I would go for shortish layovers (2-3 hours if you don't have to pick up and re-check your luggage, enough time to get to your next gate), but sometimes that's just not possible. If I have the option of two similar length layovers, I will often go for the "funnest" airport. The Seoul airport is probably the best in the world for kids, including play areas, comfy chairs, an arts and crafts station, regular parade shows by "Korean royalty," and even free showers! If it's between this and just struggling to find an uncomfortable plastic seat to lay out on for 6 hours in a different airport, I would pay the slightly higher ticket price to go through Seoul.

Making friends at the Seoul airpport

• To hotel or not to hotel. Sometimes, arriving to your layover destination in the evening and catching your next flight in the morning is the best case scenario. Especially if you arrive just shortly before your child's regularly scheduled bedtime. Full night sleep potential! Even if you have a shortish layover (5-8 hours) I would absolutely suggest staying at an airport hotel. Back when you were 21 and backpacking around the world, with only some dreds and your parents' emergency credit card to your name, sure, you could sleep on the floor of an airport waiting for your next flight. No more. For your child's sake, for your sanity's sake, just book the hotel. Some airlines, like Qatar Airways, if you book the right flight class or just get some really nice customer service agent on the phone, will provide a hotel room for free if your layover is over a certain number of hours. Something else to take into account when comparing airlines.

Jetlag:

• Whereas for short flights one can prepare to a certain extent for changes in time zones, when you're traveling to the other side of the world, there is very little you can do to prepare your child for the time difference. There is literally 12 hours difference between Montreal and Phnom Penh, so we just prepare to have our lives and schedules turned upside down for a while upon arrival. Honestly, in most cases, our daughter adjusted faster than we did!

• Once you have arrived, there is a tricky balance to be struck with going with the flow and trying to reestablish a healthy routine. We try to get back to our daughter's sleep/eat/play schedule as soon as possible, while not being too hard on her and understanding that her body and mind are very confused. 

If you travel long distances with small children, do you have anything to add? What is your best advice for first-time long-haul flight traveling parents? Leave your comments below!

The Importance of a Learning Spirit

Originally published at Along the Paths of Justice, the Chab Dai team blog

Charlie and I recently met with two social entrepreneurs from Australia who are interested in replicating their very successful social enterprise cafés in Cambodia as a transitional employment and training venture for survivors of trafficking and exploitation. So much of our conversation was inspiring and interesting I thought it should be shared!

Their original idea coming in was to run a four-story center, including large café, training center, and housing for their employees. Through our conversation, and the couple others they had had in the less than 24 hours since they arrived in Cambodia, their minds were already changing to adapt to the environment!

Although he now works for an NGO, the lead on this project is first and foremost a businessman, and knows this is where his strengths lie! And he really loved Chab Dai’s ethos of collaboration, and the idea of sticking to one’s core competencies. When he heard that we already have a number of aftercare program members, whose competencies lie in counseling, trauma recovery, and survivor reintegration, he quickly started to re-evaluated his plan, and started thinking about how to build a business that could support those organizations.

He was also told by a number of people that sit-down, higher end cafés have already saturated the market in Phnom Penh, but when he visited a well located gas station coffee counter and saw a hundred clients waiting for coffee at 8:00 a.m., he knew this model could be successful in other key areas of the city.

They also recognize Cambodia has the largest number of NGOs of almost any country in the world and prefer to join the cause as a socially minded business, rather than an NGO doing business. One of their top priorities is financial sustainability, and using business to prepare young survivors to integrate into mainstream economic activity.

This new social business idea is still in its nascent stages, but what I loved about meeting these two visionaries were their flexibility and willingness to learn in a new environment. They are excellent at what they do in Australia, but recognize they need to adapt their model, marketing, and plan to the needs of both the Cambodian market and the survivor group with which they want to work.

This is the type of collaboration and open-mindedness we love to see in our partners, and we are excited to see the direction that they will take when they finalize their plans.

Interested in Volunteering Abroad?

Interested in volunteering abroad?

I just spoke with a group that was visiting Chab Dai last week. They were a small group of 2 leaders and 4 students who were spending 3 months living in Vietnam and taking short trips to other nearby countries to learn about the different ways that they could live overseas. As part of our chat, after talking about what Chab Dai does, and the usual presentation, they asked about what my recommendations were for an individual looking to spend time overseas.

Since a lot of my interactions with expats is with volunteers, I thought I’d give a couple of points on how to get the most out of your overseas volunteering – from my own experience, obviously.

First, do something you’re good at. At Chab Dai, we’ve had two highly skilled volunteers this year, one retiree who worked with our staff on leadership and mentored our managers, and one young man who decided to volunteer with us before starting his PhD who has focused on various research projects. Both of these individuals came to us and asked if we could use their skills, and in both cases they have made a giant impact in our projects, simply because they asked if they could use their skills with us.

Secondly, stay a while. The biggest factor I’ve seen in generating interest about a volunteer has been  how long that person is willing to stay. Many people want to volunteer in the 1-3 month range, and while some of these people can have a positive effect on an organization, having someone come for 6 months is often far more appealing. The learning curve can be easier, the chance of burnout is probably lower, and it just gives the hosts a bit more wiggle room.

Finally, create a relationship. One big reason for hosting a volunteer is the hope that the volunteer will continue to spread news about the organization, stay in contact with them, find ways to fundraise, and to send other, worthwhile volunteers. The more you know an organization before you go abroad, the easier it will be to stay connected with them down the road. As a volunteer coordinator, I’ve developed a couple of key relationships with churches and volunteer organizations that have led to some fantastic volunteers, and I’m always looking for more ways to partner up.

So that’s my initial thoughts on things to consider if you want to go volunteer somewhere. Got any questions?

Charlie

Rainy Season is Upon Us: Learning the Hard Way

Although we've been getting the occasional afternoon thundershower since the end(ish) of hot season, this week there was no doubt in anyone's mind that rainy season has commenced!

Buckets of rain + Phnom Penh infrastructure = FLOODING!!!

Of course, we though it was a good idea to go out for supper. We had an excuse, our good friend was leaving and we wanted to go out for a final farewell meal.

I now believe home cooking is underrated.

So agreeing to meet at the restaurant, I ventured out in my wellies (thank goodness for wellies! I literally wouldn't have made it past my driveway without them) and with my yellow polka dot umbrella. Within ten feet of my house I was calf high in water and trudging down the street in search of a tuktuk.

Forge ahead, or turn back?

A couple blocks from my house, there was not a tuktuk on the horizon, so I stood in the middle of the street, being stared at by a number of people (foreigner, wellies, umbrella: not such a common sight), and contemplated my options. Just as I was about to dial Charlie and say, "Forget it, bring home takeout," an empty tuktuk appeared!

And thus began my half hour commute of 2.5 kilometers. Because as soon as I got in the tuktuk the rain itself stopped, and it was very nearly 5:00, and everyone decided it was safe to venture out to go home. EVERYONE. So bumper to bumper, swishing in the street rivers, we all proceeded forth. Slowly.

The water creating waves against the sidewalks on a main boulevard.

We finally did spiral into the neighbourhood where I was going and I arrived relatively unscathed. The same could not be said of my tuktuk driver, who was wet and dirty from head to toe, so I sheepishly thanked him and gave him a generous tip.

We had a lovely meal. And Sam was extremely excited about all the chaos the rain and flooding had caused. And she does look incredibly adorable with an umbrella.

How cute is that?

Well. If I thought the ride there was long and tedious, I didn't know what was coming. It took 50 minutes to get home. And I think I got poop on my foot. Let me explain.

There was even more traffic at this hour, and the water had not receded at all in some streets, which our tuktuk driver decided was the best route home. People were turning back at all corners, moto drivers were walking (knee high in water, of course) their motos because they'd gotten water in the engine, and at some points the water was so high we almost started floating.

I swear this is a street, not a river

Ahoy!

As we inched our way into our neighbourhood, it seemed inevitable that we would have to cross Street 105 to get there. Except no one calls it Street 105; they call it the Stinky Canal Street (other names I have heard are the Black River or Shit River). It is basically a large open sewer that, yes, stinks to high heavens... on good days. And that day it was overflowing.

As we headed into the rising water of the Stinky Canal, I was a nanosecond too late to lift up my feet and my toes got splashed!!

Shit River overflowing into the street

We were traveling after dark, so I've included a picture of the Stinky Canal overflowing from earlier in the day, when it was just starting to rise above street level.

Care for a swim, accompanied by some giardia?

We finally arrived home, where I immediately scrubbed my feet and legs vigorously with antibacterial soap (even though the "water" only touched my toes, you never know how fast crap travels!) I still cannot think about it without shuddering.

In the end, we survived! But I definitely learned my lesson, and next time I'll stay in.

Sometimes Cambodia looks like Hawaii

A friend recently made a comment on a picture we posted of us having some weekend pool-side family time that went something like, "You sure look like you live in luxury over there in Cambodia."

And, I have to be honest, it hurt.

First, it may have sounded, and maybe even been intended, as an offhanded "funny" comment, but there is judgment behind it.

It assumes that, for some reason, because we are called to work overseas, we should be living in, or close to, dire straights, and that we should always be focused on our call and work here.

It assumes that we do not take our work here seriously because we take some time to relax, or, God forbid, go on vacation.

It assumes (well, outright states) that we live opulently, which hurts because we actually try to be really intentional about simple living and being good stewards of our resources.

It assumes, and this one really hurts, that because part of our salary is supporter-dependent, we owe them all our time, all our possessions, and should not give the impression that we are ever wasting a penny of the money they are sending us.

Because taking a couple hours by the pool on a weekend would be wasting money, because it doesn't have anything to do with fighting trafficking.

Don't get me wrong. I believe wholeheartedly in accountability and I am every day incredibly grateful that we have such a wonderful community of financial supporters who donate to our work, and we hope that in some way they feel part of our work by supporting us.

We work hard. We work 30-40+ hours per week. And we like relaxing by the pool on weekends. Our pictures on Facebook may reflect more of that because, well, pictures of us doing our work looks kind of what pictures of you doing your work look like. And we just don't think of taking pictures of ourselves at meetings. And pictures of us hanging out with our daughter are fun and we like bragging about her, and there are palm trees in the background because we live in a tropical climate.

This is us working. Pretty boring, right?

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